Success – 2/2/11

"I have done my best: that is about all the philosophy of living one needs." -Lin-yutang

As I wind down from a crazy day that started off with 4 young boys punching each other for no other reason than thinking it is fun, I began to ponder what kind of men my boys will be. My days are typically filled with fist fights, whining, and pure defiance, in it's rawest form. Outings typically end with me yelling, looking incredibly frazzled and on the verge of tears. We are a sideshow attraction when we go out, with almost every old lady I see, stopping me to tell me I am a brave woman... I think brave is the wrong word, crazy, possibly clinically insane would be a better fit. My dinner this evening was filled with gas as my oldest farted and the others encouraged him with fits of laughter. Yup, at that moment I was determining my success at less than optimal as I was sure this event had proven that my children have absolutely no manners.  As I waited for the minutes to tick down to the very precious hour when I tuck 3 out of 4 of them into bed, I had 1 telling everyone what to do, 1 crying inconsolably because he does not agree with his brother , another 1 hitting the older one because he made his brother cry and of course, the little one is running up and down the hall turning on and off all the lights and bathroom fans... I wonder where the heck I went wrong and why are my boys not quiet, compliant children? I shake my frazzled head and sigh. I am starting 4 days of being with the boys all by myself while my superhero is off fighting crime, the thought worries me as I am already a stress case and would prefer not to gain any more gray hairs this weekend.

I managed to make it to bed time with only a few bruises and no blood - that is a success. Watching them sleep, having a quiet moment to reflect, I realize that my superhero and I have done a good job for the most part. While farting at the table is hardly acceptable, they learned it from their father who still laughs every time it happens. It rarely happens in public and it show a connection, albeit a stinky one, to their Dad. My oldest, who may seem bossy, is a leader with strong ideas and values. He is being honored at school this week with an award that speaks directly to his character. That is a success!! My second who is a blubbering mess because he does not agree with his brother is kind and soft. Not one to agree with the injustices of the world. He would give the shirt off of his back to help someone out. That is a success. My 3rd who is raging because his brother is crying, is my defender, ready to protect those who he loves. He is strong willed and kind, that is a success! Of course there is my sheepish baby, playing with all the switches he has been told time and time again not to touch. He is curious and persistent -  traits that could carry him far in life or possibly land him in jail, but lets focus on the positive! That is a success!  They say please and thank you, they care about each other. They are not quiet, nor compliant and at the end of the day, I prefer it that way. I am told time and time again that they are nice boys and to me, this is the most important trait of all. It is difficult to stop and see those successes when you are caught up in the chaos of life. I think it is important to take time to reflect and see that what you have before you, is magical and amazing. It is important to remember that the silence is far more deafening than the noise ever could be. I have lived with the silence, when my 2nd first got sick. To hear him, even if he is whimpering, is amazing! I am proud to be a mom of kind children who are active, energetic and ready to tackle this world. I never want to extinguish any of those amazing characteristics!

I will enjoy this enlightening moment as I relax in the silence of my house, I know it is only hours until it erupts with chaos again. I know that I have a ton of work to do as a mom and that I will never be perfect (at least any more than I already am). I know that I have done my best. I know that as I may lose sight of my profound new insights, they are tucked securely in my heart until that magical hour when bedtime rolls around again and I have the time and peace to reflect on the amazing success that I call my boys!