“A heart can be broken, but it will keep beating just the same.”
– Fried Green Tomatoes
Holy Crap.... That is all I can say right now! I am in total shock right now as I try to process all that has happened today. Drinks with my friends isn't happening because schedules did not mix well. I was a little bummed but that is okay. 11 years, no biggie, I was handling it quite well but then I picked up my mail and that is when this date took an ironic twist.
Picture me coming home, 4 little boys in my car. I stop at the mailbox as I do every other weekday and boom, a letter, addressed to me in both my married and current name from the court house. I started shaking and it was hard to rip open the envelope in the wind and drizzly rain. When I finally had it opened, the inevitable, something I had been waiting for, emerged before my eyes. There were my divorce papers, indicating that the divorce had been granted. 11 years to that moment I was in a wedding dress, in weather almost identical to today, happier than I had ever been, never suspecting that this is where I would be 11 years later.
It is going to take time to process this one. My mind is going a million miles a minute. I called my ex to tell him. At first I thought it was funny and then he asked me if I was ok and I started crying, told him I had to go, that I just wanted him to know. I am feeling so many things - sadness, joy, relief - this is a little too much to handle gracefully. I have called many friends and, of course, posted it on Facebook, to announce to the world that this time in my life is over. Once the shock of the finality wears off, I will be joyfully turning cartwheels.
On the surface I am cheering but inside I am not really sure which end it is up. As good as this is and as much as I would never reconcile with my ex, this hurts my heart a little bit. Where did it all go so wrong...? I know it went wrong when he decided to take the cowards way out instead of fight for his family. What happened to the 2 young people, 11 years ago, who declared that they would be together forever in front of their family and friends. When did his will to fight for our family and our marriage die?
As soon as I work through this in my head, the party planning will begin. The guest list will be long, many friends have expressed a desire to send this one off in style! I plan on supplying bottles of Baby Duck so I can celebrate the end of my marriage the way we rang it in. 11 Years ago everyone was just beginning to drink in what was one of the best parties I have ever been to! Everyone was there to celebrate us, but now, my friends, many of them the same, will come together to celebrate my freedom, my independence, my strength and my determination to put the past behind me. It will be a good night to laugh and share and celebrate life because it is good, even if it is slightly confusing!!
So I am now a divorced woman. There is an appeal period of 31 days. Neither myself or the ex will appeal the judgement. I think his life will take a drastic turn now that the divorce is final but that is my own opinion and it bugs him when I tell him that.
Wow, here I am. It is not the path I had ever dreamed I would take but it was the one I was put on and I am going to make the best of it. Hello world, watch out, here I come.
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