You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with.
~Wayne Dyer~
You know, I went through a period of time when I was so lonely that I would have put aside everything my ex did, just so I was not lonely anymore. I am over that and although I have lonely moments, I have realized, I am not truly lonely and I never will be.
This thought came to me while driving home from the wedding last night. I had a fantastic time with a great bunch of people and never once did the fact that my ex was not there cross my mind. I had phoned home to let my mom, who was babysitting the boys, know I was on my way. She warned me that the neighbors were having a party and may be on the deck when I arrived. Now anybody who knows me knows, this is when I start playing conversations over in my head so I can be prepared if anyone says anything.
The thought crossed my mind, what if someone points out the fact that I am alone. At that moment, I realized I will never be as alone as my insecure neighbor. When you hate yourself enough to do the things she has done, how can you enjoy your own company? Then the thought came to me about a conversation I had with my ex, I told him he was afraid of being alone. He said he was not, he had been alone all week because his girlfriend was in Mexico. He totally did not get it. Maybe at that time I did not fully get it either but wow, he is more alone and probably always will be more alone than I ever will be with or without a companion.
These "lonely" people always have to have someone to make them feel good. They need others to make them feel happy. They go crazy if they spend long periods of time by themselves. These people are unable to enjoy their own company. Looking in the mirror is difficult for them because the person looking back is someone they detest, not esthetically but deep down, to the core of their soul. These people do not care about the quality of their relationships but only that they have one.
This is not to say that a person never needs the contact of friends, family, strangers, intimate partners. Relationships fill our lives, they meet certain needs that are innate to human beings. People need contact with others, seek it out, enjoy it. It is from these interactions that souls grow and flourish. However you can never reach your potential unless you are truly happy with the only person that will ALWAYS be there for you... yourself!
The last month has been an incredible month of self discovery for me. I have learned so much about myself and really, how strong I am. I loathed being by myself the first couple of weeks but I have accomplished new things each day in my personal growth, both emotionally and physically. Of course I have those moments where I am "lonely", where I seek the contact of others, that is human nature but I am confident in saying that I am not truly lonely anymore and I don't think I ever will be.
"You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose." ~Coudert, Jo~
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