Self-respect cannot be hunted. It cannot be purchased. It is never for sale. It cannot be fabricated out of public relations. It comes to us when we are alone, in quiet moments, in quiet places, when we suddenly realize that, knowing the good, we have done it; knowing the beautiful, we have served it; knowing the truth we have spoken it. ~Whitney Griswold
Well, I have had another ah-ha moment and seriously, all I can do is laugh. Well I am shaking my head too.... but still laughing.... I think it is fabulous because it has given me the ability to look at my ex and say to myself, "wow, never again!"
My ex told me last week that he and the neighbor were no longer together. I amazingly did not ask for any details, which was odd for me and I have since asked. No big surprise, in my opinion and the opinion of many others, the relationship was destined to fail. A relationship born from an affair, statistically will not work. I must say that I was quite pleased as it left me more at ease when I left him at my home with my children. No more cute little meetings on the front porches! However, there is more to this sordid story, it just gets better and better.
So back in October, my ex and I were in counselling. We had been fighting quite a bit and my husband had arranged a ride along with a female dispatcher whom I thought was way too friendly. We fought about her and to the best of my knowledge he told her the ride along was causing problems and she backed off, respecting the fact that he was married. This same dispatcher popped up in January after I found out about affair #1 (also with a dispatcher) and she was a comfort to my ex. We fought about her, he defended her tooth and nail, said that she was respecting boundaries, was just a friend. They stopped talking once again, according to him.
Jump to today, having lunch with my ex and he tells me he has a place to stay after his house sitting stint is over. I ask him with who and he gets a smirk and tells me he does not want to jinx it. I know immediately there is more to this and start guessing every woman I know that I have ever had an issue with... and then I guessed the dispatcher from October. Yup, They are an item, became so as soon as he was done with the neighbor. He is so very happy and has plans to travel with her. The best is that he plans to travel to Kelowna with her this summer. We went to Kelowna every summer with the boys, the boys do not get to go this year because of what has happened... Where is the justice in this?
So I just shook my head and laughed. I do not hate this woman, she probably came after we split and although, in my opinion, she is cut from the same cloth as the other 2, I do not harbor any animosity for her. I did however lose any interest or desire to ever be with my ex. I value my morals and standards and his actions have fallen well below them. I no longer have respect for him. I can now look at him and 100% honestly say, I do not ever want that!!
I am so proud of how far I have come and how I am doing! I am sure that there will be lots of curve balls and more tears but I know that the tears will not be because I miss him or want him back. The man I loved is no longer in existence, the new man I see is someone I would never be with. That is liberating!
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