Fear not that life shall come to an end, but rather fear that it shall never have a beginning. ~John Henry Cardinal Newman
In the grand scheme of things, 8 weeks is no time at all. It is such a short period of time that when looking at the big picture, it is like the blink of an eye. Breaking it down however, looking at it from just the smallest point of view, it is enough time to change a life.
I had to go back and count how many weeks it has been since I threw my ex out; since I felt like my life was over. I laughed that I had to go back and count, I stopped caring after about 3 weeks. This shows how far I have come. So many people say, it has only been a few weeks but to me it feels like a lifetime, maybe because I am on the threshold of a whole new life.
In 8 weeks I have said goodbye to the man I once loved, I have emptied my heart to all that remains of him, other than the necessary connection- our amazing boys. I have found the strength to learn about myself and make some critical changes to the path I am on. I laugh in a way I have not laughed in years; I smile all the time because I am happy, yet another thing I have not done in a long time. I never thought I could fall out of love like this but in hindsight, I guess I have been falling out of love for years, he just drove the knife in and killed what little I was holding on to.
I have things to look forward to - a trip to Victoria, white water rafting, Stampede party with firemen/medics (Thanks girlfriend!!), Pearl Jam and quite possibly, a birthday trip to Vegas. I have not looked forward to so many things in so long. I was alive but not living and I am anxious to live each and every day. 8 weeks. Wow, it blows me away that so much can change in such a short time.
To me, it illustrates how very important every moment of your life is. It shows me how easily time can be wasted. It shows me that each moment should be treasured and looked upon as an opportunity. It has also shown me that nobody is responsible for your happiness but yourself. You are the one that has to be accountable for how your life plays out. I do not want to die and wish I would have done so many things; I want to be happy that I did them!
There are certainly things that I can look back on and yeah, I could have done them differently, but I am not going to regret the things I cannot change. I am here, in this amazing place because life unfolded as it should. Each negative thing is a lesson. Each choice we make is ultimately ours to make. Some choices will hurt, some will lift us up but every single choice comes with a lesson. You should only regret it if you learn nothing from it. Our experiences, good and bad, shape who we are.
I am still blown away by what can happen in such a short time. How many lessons can be learned in 1 week, 1 day, 1 hour. I intend on living my life to the fullest from now on. I have let too much time slip by already! I do not regret that time - it gave me my beautiful boys and it was a great lesson.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now. ~Joan Baez
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