"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best," and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called. ~A.A. Milne
When I started my blog, well, at least the part about the affair, I thought I would write every day for the first year so I could share my experiences. I figured it would be a good way for people in the same circumstances to feel less alone. I had no idea what life was going to dish up for me and I had no idea that I would be okay. I write about my "ups" but writing about my "downs" is usually from a far more powerful and more controversial place. Right now, I am content and life is good but I don't want to leave my readers wondering where I have gone.
Lonely has not been around lately and frankly, I am glad. Lonely sucks! I know she is just waiting around the corner, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce but I have no intentions of letting her in. There is no room for her in my life these days. She has been kicked to the curb and although I know she is always out there, I am enjoying her absence and I hope she stays away! I am enjoying the sweeter things in life that I have been missing for years!
In early September, my friends and I have a beer date on the day that would have been my 11th anniversary and although this date was never celebrated by my ex and I, the girls and I are going to do this one in style! We have a date to celebrate everything that this date no longer signifies! I am not sure how this day will make me feel but I do not think I will shed any tears unless they are from laughing too hard from the company of so many fantastic people. This is now just another day, no longer special in any way. However it may turn into a tradition for my friends and I to celebrate letting go and moving the hell on!
Things with the ex seem to be evening out into a business-like friendship. I say friendship because although there is still tension, we can talk civilly, occasionally about things other than the kids. For the most part it is businesslike as we discuss the children. He now has his own place and is taking the kids overnights. This was hard for me but the break was much needed although I was so glad to hug my babies when they arrived home again.
The boys now have a physical location to place their dad and they are learning about their 2 separate homes. Right now they think they are still visiting their dad but I want them to feel like they are going to their other home. This will take some work and time but I think in the end it will be good for the boys. I think this transition will be pivotal in the relationship between myself and the ex, the kids and their dad and the ex and his girlfriend. All around it will give us a chance to see what life is really going to be like... I LOVE the way it is looking!
I know that my blog is not as exciting as it sometimes is but other than shouting from the roof tops how happy and at peace I am, I do not have much to say. There are, of course, every day stresses and the hurdles of being a single mom but right now everything seems manageable. It is all in perception and how you look at life. Being happy is a choice and when you make that choice, everything else seems to fall into place
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