Time For Me – 20/4/11

No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.- Barbara de Angelis

Leaving my boys, each time their dad comes to my house for a visit is hard. Not because I worry about them, I know their dad takes good care of them but because this is a new situation and they are my heart and soul.. leaving them is not as easy as it once was.

I am however discovering this new found thing... me time... Something I have not had in years. Taking that time to do something I enjoy is something that makes me feel good, something that is giving me the results I have wanted for so long. I generally spend the first hour and half to two hours in the gym. I run, I do classes, I do cardio, I weight lift... and I think. I probably ponder things way more than I should but the progression of my mindset is very interesting, even to myself.

I can go into the gym, just having wiped fresh tears off of my face, I hop on the treadmill and I run. I feel like crying when a song comes on or a thought pops in my head but I push through, mostly for fear of looking like a sobbing idiot on the treadmill. As my heart rate increases, the emotion changes, I am lighter, happier and damned determined to meet my goals! I push the thoughts that cause my heart to break to the side and I find my focus... and it feels great.

The effects of the gym can last upwards of 1-2 days. Depending on what type of curve balls are thrown my way. Some things are not as easily managed with endorphins as other things! I can tell when I have not been to the gym in a few days as I cannot roll with the punches of life as easily. I love the natural high I can produce when I am at the gym, it is becoming addictive. I am really beginning to enjoy my new found "me time".

I am going to embrace my new found time. I can see changes in myself both mentally and physically. I can look in the mirror and see change and for once I smile, I do not look away. When I come home from the gym, I always go in and kiss my 3 sleeping babies and my 1 awake baby. I suppose leaving them may get easier... maybe it never will. I am learning however to take care of myself so I can take care of my heart and soul!