High Road….Maybe – 1/8/11

"Taking the high road is usually not the easy one to take or the most popular. The low road seems to offer instant satisfaction. It may seem better for the moment, but if you compromise you principles and your integrity, it will always end up costing you far more in the long run."
- Billy Cox

So, I have written a pretty precise blog in response to the comment that called me phony. It is another blog that pulls out a ton of hurt and anger and defines the epitome of phony. The dust has just settled from the last time I wrote exactly what I was feeling so I think I will save it for a rainy day. I will post it however because I think the person who posted that comment needs to learn what phony is and is not. 

I ask myself the same question over and over regarding the way I conduct myself - What will the backlash be and how will it effect my boys? I can only imagine how volatile things may have been had there been no children in this equation because I would have been able to express my opinion without worrying about how it might affect my children. I am not one to back down or to tip toe around an issue, but I do because I want my boys to have the best possible opportunities to thrive in the circumstances handed to them. 

My ex always seems surprised when I do these things, like it is out of character for me to stand up for myself, but those who know me best or hardly at all for that matter,  have not batted an eyelash at things such as angry blogs, angry letters or verbal confrontations. Those who have known me for any length of time know that I am passionate, I shoot from the hip and I don't back down. I fight for the people and things I believe in. 

It baffles me that my ex, who was supposed to know me best, seems surprised by my directness and perseverence. He saw me, in our early years together, go nose to nose with members of his family, and, in the last few years,  pour every ounce of my passion into fighting for our son. Staff at both the school and hospital groan, I am sure, every time they see me coming because I have not backed down on anything while fighting for him. I guess the ex did not realize that the responses to his sneaking around -  the letter and verbal confrontation - were proof that I was passionate about him, our family and our marriage. Too bad, it is not often you get someone ready to fight like that for you. 

Here I am torn, I have this blog that responds to the ignorance of someone calling me phony and commending my ex for leaving me, which again, is grossly inaccurate. I have written something in my defense and defined what phony is yet I hesitate. Not because I am not up for a good fight, I am always up for a good fight, but I worry about the damage done by the volatility that comes out of my defensive ex when we clash. The boys do not need to feel that tension. They do not need to have parents that hate each other but by the same token, they do not need a mother who does not defend herself. Do they need a mother who lets others walk all over her? Nope. Still, it is 6 of one, half dozen of the other. I want to raise strong men willing to stand up for what is right, I want them to respect the fighter that their mother is and through that, learn how to properly treat women. I also want to have a functional relationship with the ex, for the benefit of nobody else but those boys. What to do, what to do?

"We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it." 

Abraham Lincoln