Bloom Where You Are Planted – 1/7/11

It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.  ~Author Unknown

I am not writing as much lately. I think it is because I am finding that writing about my happiness is a bit redundant. There is only so many times that you can yell at the top of your lungs, " I AM HAPPY". There have not been a lot of crazy things happening lately although I am sure I will never see the end of eye rolling, stressful, irritating situations!

I figured tonight I would share what a person can accomplish in 3 months if they put their mind to it. In the grand scheme of things, 3 months although it seems like a small amount of time, is actually a huge amount of time - enough time to make some major changes. I have learned that I am responsible for my own happiness and that if a person wants to sit around and mope, it is a clear and conscious choice (in most cases). Some people enjoy the playing victim; I like playing the victor. Although it has been scary as hell, I have had the courage to tackle many obstacles, most importantly, myself.

It may seem silly but sleeping alone night after night is incredibly scary after having someone in your bed for 12.5 years. It is difficult to fall into a deep sleep because there is something missing. I never slept well for the entire time my ex was an officer but I could fall into a sleep as soon as I heard him come in. I needed to know he was safe and sound and then I could sleep. I am now sleeping better than I have in the past 4 years. I no longer worry about my ex at work and the empty spot is no longer an issue. Mind you, my nights are still filled with waking boys crawling into my bed but overall, it is a more restful sleep and that is a huge step.

I can run my household on my own from making repairs and lawn maintenance to bedtimes, bath times and meals. While I pretty much ran the house on my own anyway, I always knew there was someone to rely on if I needed a hand. I always had that other person there and although not a huge help at all, he was at least there. My house runs more smoothly now as we are no longer switching routines up to match  my ex's crazy schedule and shift changes. I am okay on my own, that is an incredibly empowering thing to know.

You can, in 3 months, go from running 30 seconds and wanting to pass out to running 5-6 km a few times a week. You become more health conscious if you so choose to be accountable for your actions and the weight will begin to fall off. I have lost, as of this morning, 50 pounds and I feel fabulous. It is great to look in the mirror and be excited to see the progress. It is also exciting to have men stop you on your run or in the grocery store to just chat. Life is fun when you are shrinking and single! I have learned that the attraction is not the fact that I have lost weight but because I carry myself with confidence and light. As Audrey Hepburn said "Happy girls are the prettiest".

I have learned, most importantly, that I am worth the effort. Knowing that has made the other things fall into place. When you start to place value and worth  in yourself, you begin to see things differently. You put up with less and you fight more for what you want. Fewer things bother you because you realize that the people or things that once bothered you are actually quite insignificant. I was told by a friend that I have a new energy, it is light and welcoming. I glow. She said before that I was closed off, that I was not letting anyone in. It was because I did not value myself. I am a work in progress, I have more weight to lose, I have more mountains to climb and I know there will be tough challenges. The difference is, now I know I can, I know I will and I know nothing can keep me down. My goals are no longer dreams - they are reality because I have the confidence to achieve them.

I am not the same woman I was 3 months ago, hell, I am not the same woman I was last week. Each day teaches me something and I grow and evolve from it. I will have set backs but they will not take the wind out of my sails.  If they do, I will get out the paddles and row. I will never stop fighting for the very best in my life because I settled for far too long. Mediocre is no longer an option. I am not special in my ability to change; we can all grow if we truly want it bad enough. All it takes is facing the fear and finding that impenetrable determination within. The only regret I have is waiting so long to change. Life is fabulous!

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.  ~David Brinkley