Cheater Cheater – 22/6/11

~ I would prefer even to fail with honor than to win by cheating ~
Sophocles

What has happened to the trust and honor in marriage? Why is it that every time I turn around, I hear of another story of a cheating husband or wife. It blows me away that there are so many people that do not have the balls, so to speak, to be honest and to work for something as important as a life time commitment. It is even more disturbing that there are so many people out there willing to hurt another person so deeply. What is wrong with these people?

I am very aware of the enormity of a cheating spouse because I have lived it. I have felt the impact on my life and how it has changed me. I am lucky as I was able to embrace the pain I endured and used it to better my life but I am not the norm. I met a woman today, a professional piercer, and we had a great chat while she caused me large amounts of pain. Her husband was screwing a 19 year old, 12 years his junior. What a nice surprise from the man she loved! This woman was also working to better her life and take a positive lesson from the experience. I think there was a bit of spite there. I recognized it because I work well with spite too. 

I am learning through others how devastating betrayal can be. I have watched a friend struggle to trust and love again, questioning her own worth because her ex-husband robbed her of her self-esteem. I saw another friend pour her heart and soul into her work, neglecting any social life she had. I have seen women use their body as a way to get attention because they can, because and they crave attention. It may not be the right kind of attention but for a brief time they feel needed, wanted, even loved.

I have also seen depression and anxiety take over. I have seen hurt in the eyes of even the strongest women. I have seen women completely devaluate themselves and pour their heart and soul into men that are likely to harm them again. They do not think they are valuable enough to be loved by a real man. I have heard that the trauma of betrayal effects men in similar ways. The pain of infidelity knows no limits. It is a cut equally deep to all those who have to suffer through the hurt.

Love can be cruel when one half of a couple stops loving. I think there is a special place in hell for those who determine it is their right to rip a person apart from the inside. I think there is a stigma and an embarrassment that goes along with an affair in the mind of the person cheated on. Some people think their spouse's inability to be honorable reflects on how desirable they are as a lover and friend. They think it somehow lowers their worth. I think this is crap, plain and simple. The only embarrassment should be felt by the offending party as they are looked down upon by former friends and family and eaten up inside because it is their own worth that is meaningless. 

The consensus seems to be, however, that the worst part is being lonely and coming home to an empty bed, having nobody to tell you that they love you, no one to be  a friend, to comfort you and hold you when you need it the most. The hardest part is, the one who hurt you is the one you would have turned to when you were hurting in the past. They provided comfort and safety, then ripped away any bit of security you may have had. Lonely is a bitch, but lonely can be beaten. Lonely can only win if you allow it to!

To all women (and men)out there who have suffered the betrayal of a loved one, no matter what walk of life, it is time to take back the rights that the insignificant loser tried to take from you. Nobody has the right to lower your self-esteem or remove your feelings of self worth. No one has the right to make you feel less than you are. There are good, honorable people out there and feeling lonely will not last forever. Learn to enjoy your own company, learn to be your own best friend, and invest in yourself. It is the best investment you will ever make!