Transformation – 7/5/11

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
Harriet Tubman

To get compliments on your clothes, your work and your appearance are all things that we appreciate as it makes us feel good and gives us motivation. In the last week, I have gotten comments from 5 different people, in 5 different areas in my life, some from virtual strangers, that are exactly the same and although more of an observation, I find the mention that I look happy is the greatest compliment of all.

 I have been told that my eyes sparkle, something they have not done in years. I have been told I am glowing. I have been told this by a co-worker, the owner of the gym I go to, a mom at play school that I do not know, the neighbor (no, not the skanky one) and by my oldest son.

The best was the owner at the gym (well, other than my son.) She saw me as I was leaving yesterday. She knows my story as she signed me up for my membership the very first night I had to leave my house so my ex could visit the boys. She asked me why I decided to sign up and I told her. She saw me leaving after a pretty intense workout yesterday and she stopped me. She commented on what a dramatic change she can see in the size of my face, neck. She told me I looked amazing... which is getting easier but still difficult for me to hear. She then looked at me and said, more importantly, that I looked so genuinely happy. I was honest when I said "I am". She then gave me a hug, which I felt bad for because I was a soggy, sweaty mess and she was dressed to the 9's.  She told me I was an inspiration. What positive words to affirm that the path you are on is the right one!

This to me is an indication of what a turn my life has taken. From out of the ashes of my destroyed marriage comes something more promising, more brilliant. I have always been told I am a pessimist, I call it a realist. I have always lived by the motto, expect the worst, hope for the best, but now I am seeing that I can carve my own future. I can see that when I am positive, I attract positive things. This is not to say bad things do not happen and certainly not to say that I do not have moments where I "ugly" cry because of something. It is to say that  I can roll with the punches and look forward, not dwelling on what is behind me because I cannot change it.

The old me would have been depressed for months. The old me would have gained at least 20 pounds due to emotional eating. The old me would still be  yearning for my old life. That girl died with my marriage and I am so glad. The old me had lots of great qualities and I like to think the new me still sustains those qualities but the old me was defeated, broken down and just going through the motions, not truly living. The old me would have blamed someone else or there would have been a million reasons why I couldn't do something I really wanted to do. I now know that I am capable of anything, I am responsible for my own happiness and I create my own future.

I might sound a little like a motivational speaker and that's okay. You know, the old me creeps in when I am writing. The little voice inside my head tells me that I should not talk about myself, that I should just be quiet, that I am going to look like an idiot. I am learning to silence that voice. People will think what they want to think but if one person can find the inspiration to find their own happiness, reach high for their goals because of what I have learned then it is worth it.... I have learned. I am reaching for my goals... That makes it all worth it.

“Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.”
Benjamin Franklin