To dream anything that you want to dream. That is the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed.
Bernard Edmonds
I have been dreading this past weekend. It is the first time my boys spent a full 48 hours with their dad and his girlfriend. Everyone told me to enjoy, to relax but how was I going to spend the night alone in my house? Luckily, I did not have to. This weekend turned out to be two days when my personal limits were pushed and I was able to see what I am capable of.
I travelled to BC with a friend on Friday night. We had a long drive full of great conversation and good company. Our final destination was a high ropes course, with a few zip lines. We tackled the ropes course first thing Saturday morning as I had to be home that evening.
At its highest point, this course is 40 feet high in the trees and the only way across each obstacle is by means of swinging boards, single cables or ziplines. I am not typically fearful of heights but 40 feet up, connected only by 2 ropes connected to a harness is a little fear-provoking and to be asked to cross various, incredibly difficult obstacles is petrifying. I was shaking like a leaf as we entered the black course, ready to take the zip line down to the ground, the easy way out. It took all the courage I had, and the unwavering encouragement of my friend for me to suck it up and fly across the next obstacle, past the point of no return and attempt the obstacle that I was almost certain I could not do. My friend stood at the other end of this obstacle, talking me through it, encouraging me. 3 steps from the end I fell and had to somehow pull myself up. I was sure I didn't have the strength to do this, but I did. By the time my feet hit the ground I was so happy and so proud. I had accomplished something I was sure I could not do. I saw how strong and capable I was. My friend hugged me when I reached the end and we were both proud of what I had accomplished. It was amazing!
I know that sounds like quite a day but that was just the beginning. When we finished the course we quickly headed for home so I could run the 10km race I had signed up for months ago and had been dreading for weeks. Yes, after using every ounce of adrenaline my body could produce that morning, I was going to run a race. I had been training but not for the distance I had wanted. I had trained for 6 or 7 km at most and I looked for every excuse to quit because I certainly did not want to be the last one across the finish line.
The same friend I went to BC with told me that I couldn't quit, that I was capable and who cares if I was last, at least I accomplished what I set out to do. Up until the minute the race started, I wanted to quit. The first 5 km were not too bad at all, kms 6-8 sucked - I thought I was going to die. By kms 8-9, everything hurt but I knew I was close and I was not going to quit. I came across the finish line with a personal best time.
I saw the last runner as we were leaving on the bus and she looked brilliant. She was going to finish and what she was about to accomplish was amazing! I didn't look at her and think she was slow, I looked at her and thought it was incredible because she did not give up. This race was another indication to me of what I can accomplish. I will run another 10km and beat my time and then start training for a 1/2 marathon because I know I can do it and I know it does not matter how long it takes as long as I do not give up.
I slept until 11:30 this morning, something I have not done in years. It was so nice to be able to sleep in and not worry! I am badly bruised from the ropes course - I look like someone laid the boots to me. I am sore, it hurts to sit, stand, laugh, move in general but I feel absolutely great! I did not give up on myself, like I had wanted to so many times. I was able to accomplish things that I never thought possible, especially 5 months ago. The woman I was 5 months ago would not have even tried, let alone looked her fears in the face and laughed. My boys had a good weekend and are now home with me. I guess that was another fear I faced and that too turned out okay.
I am thankful that I have so many wonderful supportive friends and family and am very grateful for a friend this weekend who would not let me walk away from things that were very important to me. I was encouraged to push my boundaries and in turn I saw what I was capable of, physically and even mentally. It takes tons of determination, courage, and confidence to look fear in the eye but I have done it so many times over the last few months that I know now, I will never let fear stop me from anything again. I can do anything I set my mind to.
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