What we forgive too freely doesn't stay forgiven. --Mignon McLaughlin
I have said that I will take the high road through this entire ordeal, which I intend to, especially with my ex, as it is most beneficial for our kids. There is only so much that my neighbor and ex friend can ask of me however. I have said what I need to say to her and intend to follow the age old adage, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Today I received a text message from the neighbor. We have not spoken since I found out about the affair and had a few well-chosen words with her. Her text said she was sorry. I have a really hard time with this. I do not believe the damage that has been done to my children, to my marriage, can be repaired or even forgiven with a simple "sorry". I think a "sorry" undermines the gravity of this situation. This was a woman who I thought was my good friend, someone I confided in through the first affair, someone who promised me on New Years that she would never do anything like the other woman. She assured me she was just my ex's friend.... She is not simply the other woman or the next door neighbor, she was a personal friend and confidant and that is a betrayal that can never be forgotten.
I know it takes strength and courage to forgive someone. I know that what she has done will never be forgotten or accepted by anyone in my family. The anger that I have right now is fire in my belly. I am not ready to accept an apology. I let her know as much. I do not intend to be mean, however I do not intend to stop sharing this sordid affair with anyone who wants to read it. I know I have the strength to forgive her and that one day I just might but frankly, right now I do not want to. Friends do not do what she did to me. She tried to use things I told her in confidence against me, twisted things I said and made outrageously unbelievable lies against me. To anyone, other than my ex, who at that time seemed to have lost his common sense, these lies were illogical and obviously fabricated. She is not remorseful in my mind, this is not saying sorry because she wants to fix her wrongs, it is saying sorry to make herself feel better and I do not accept that!
I continue to move forward, I look forward to the future. I just really wish the past was not always being rubbed in my face.
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