Pride – 11/6/11

~Pride is a personal commitment. It is an attitude which separates excellence from mediocrity.

 -Unknown-

Sometimes when you are going through a crisis situation, you question if you are doing things right. I have worried about my children and wondered about how I am dealing with them, what fears and hurts they have that I don't know about. I also have concerns about the stress they sensed while my ex and I were "trying to work it out" and the impact it may have had on them.

In February, my oldest was presented with a Lamplighter ward. This is only given out once a year and is an award that recognizes strength of character. It is  given to students who are kind, considerate and hardworking. Our boy, despite all the tension in his home at the time, was able to conduct himself in a way that had him recognized over the other children in his class. My ex and I, despite our verbal clashes, many tears and incredible tension, were able to nurture our little man in a way that allowed him to conduct himself in a manner that was above and beyond. I am proud of him!

I also worry about him as he is not dealing well with the break up of our marriage. He is angrier and he lashes out at his family. Home and the ones he loves are no longer his safest place. He tells me he does not want to see his dad because seeing him reminds him of how of how much fun we had the day his dad had to leave and his world fell apart. He tells me he is so mad at daddy and at the neighbor. He does not know what happened but he knows there is a connection. He also told me the other day that he is mad at me for kicking daddy out. He still has this amazing stength of character but he is angry and hurting and that sometimes clouds his sunny, kind nature. Time and lots of love will pull him through along with lots of reassurancce that it is ok to be angry and that he is loved no matter what.

Jump to yesterday and another moment of pride! Another award at the school is called the PRO (People Respecting Others)Award. My second son, who struggles greatly and has some behavioural concerns has seen his brother and the other children get their awards. He has wanted one so bad. We told him to keep working hard and he might get one but we were unsure if this kind, sweet boy would be able to shine in the eyes of his teacher. I met with the teacher yesterday and she explained to me that each PRO award has a criteria, based on a virtue. She told me that June's PRO award was for perseverance and there was not one inkling of doubt, my boy was the single most deserving child in his class for this award. I started crying, the teacher started crying and my son's full time assistant who was in the room, started crying.

The teacher went on to explain that in the face of adversity, no matter how difficult a situation is, my son always tries. Even when he cannot do it or struggles more than any child should for a routine activity, he pushes on, NEVER giving up. Here is a little boy who, despite watching someone he loves greatly, give up and not fight, continues to laugh in the face of all things negative. He could walk away but he never does. He always pushes through no matter how difficult the situation. He is a fighter and I am proud!!!

 I will be front and centre when my 2nd receives his award in 2 weeks, cheering louder than ever and probably crying! I have no doubt that my youngest 2 will follow in the footsteps of their older brothers! I will continue to nurture, love and reassure my boys to maintain the kind, trusting, persistent hearts they have!