Boxing – 26/5/11

"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do." 

-Bob Dylan

It is funny how when you change your approach to life, it changes how you look at things. Things that I did not intentionally change have transformed and while some of these transformations are not huge, they really speak to my changing outlook on life.

I have always enjoyed boxing. It is a good workout. I have always secretly wanted to be professionally trained in boxing but in all honesty, I don't really want to get hit.

After the first affair, I purchased my heavy bag and hot pink boxing gloves. I routinely pictured the red-headed monster that was the first affair or I replayed the events that had led to her discovery. I would beat the hell out of the bag, no technique at all, and I would usually finish by sobbing uncontrollably. I didn't box much when things looked as though they were getting better and then the neighbor happened. Her face, along with my ex's, were routinely pictured as I beat the hell out of my heavy bag. I was not focusing my energy on myself. I had so much anger and it was all being poured into those that had hurt me the most.

 About a week after my ex left, I considered going to get my neighbor (not the skanky one) to help me carry the 75 pound heavy bag and stand up my stairs. I hated going downstairs to "his" space to box. Being ever so slightly stubborn however, I managed to get the heavy bag down and hauled it up the stairs and then I took apart the stand and carried it up the stairs and reassembled it. It was actually quite liberating to be able to do that myself.

I now box for an hour almost every night.  I no longer picture anybody's face, I no longer cry. I focus on my form, my endurance, having fun. It is no longer about anybody else. It is about me and it feels great. I am still tossing around the idea of having someone train me, but have decided I would have to become incredibly good so I could avoid being socked by an opponent!

I have also noticed a change in the music I listen to. I no longer listen to the "woe is me" love songs or the "that rat bastard cheated" angry songs. Love songs no longer rip my heart out but make me smile when I think that they could have a meaning for me one day in the future. I have downloaded many of my favourite's from years ago and some are angry and forbidding as they are from my years as an angry teenager. Songs no longer make me cry. Instead I usually break out in song and dance along in my seat as I drive.

I must look pretty amusing and I don't care. That last statement is a statement to my transformation in itself. I don't care what anybody thinks. I thought I had lost that girl but it seems as though she was just hiding and is now ready to rock and roll! The quiet, hiding in her hoodie girl, has disappeared.

These changes haven't been intentional but speak to what a change in the way you look at things can do for all dimensions of your life. It speaks to regaining control of the only things that are really yours - your life and your happiness!