“Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed.”
~Storm Jameson~
I had a conversation with my mom today about how quickly things change. I know that in the weeks after my ex was gone I was amazed and bewildered at how much had changed, how quickly it all happened. Oddly enough, I didn't recognize that this could happen in the opposite direction. I didn't realize that I could look back on something good that had happened and realize that in a few short weeks so much had changed yet again. At first, I attributed these rapid changes to only the bad events but I think every change has the potential to make a person look back and be amazed at how things have evolved.
I am at peace in my life. I am happy, I have accepted the way things have turned out and I have actually been excited to see where life takes me but through all that, I have still been unsettled. I was nervous about what was to come; I was scared about the single world; I was confused about who I want to be and who I should be. Life was not easy because each day brought with it many questions and many lessons, some of which I really did not want to learn but had to anyway!
Today, while driving to work, I looked at my life and realized how at peace I am. I still have conflicting emotions, I am still scared and confused sometimes but now deep down, I know everything is all going to be okay. It calms me to let the things I can't control go and take each day as it comes. That is probably one of the most difficult things for me to do but worrying incessantly about what is going to come or what has happened has monopolized far to much of my time already. I am here, in the present and I am enjoying it and dealing with what I have too as it arises.
There are many factors that have led me to this place. Much of it is my desire to change how I think and how I handle the events in my life. Much has come from self reflection and learning what part I played in the unhappiness in my marriage as well as realizing that I can change the things that need to be changed. I did have a big change in my life a little over a month ago that has also helped me. Although I am not ready to blog about that yet, it has been a very positive part of my life. It is amazing how things can change with one simple, serendipitous encounter.
Things are awesome sauce, this is my new normal. This new normal is full of things that I may not always like but it is also full of amazing things. I am learning to cope with the things I do not like as well as learning how to embrace the good. There is a calmness in my head and in my heart. Things are good and are going to continue to be so, no matter what life throws at me.
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