What Do I Owe You? – 28/6/11

"Never take someone for granted hold every person close to your heart cause you might wake up one day and realize that you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones"
~anonymous~

The last few weeks have been odd. The ex and I have fought, he and the next door neighbor (remember her?) spending afternoons together so the kids can play, a movie outing together and a strong sense of bouncing along, with things not quite right. I think I have figured it out, I think that trying to be friendly has backfired, I actually think my ex thinks I owe him something.

I have been super friendly throughout this entire ordeal, so much so that I have been told at times that I am an idiot. I have been told by friends and complete strangers alike that I should tell my ex where to go and how to get there. I always say that for the kids' sake, I cannot do that. They tell me that I am a better woman than they would be under the same circumstances. I am not a pushover and I am not a doormat but it is beginning to feel that way as I see how little I am appreciated for the generosity and concern I have shown my ex.

The fact that he visits the kids in my home is a huge favour. I allow it for the kids. They need to see their father and he needs a place to see them. It is not an ideal situation for either of us. I am not obligated to provide this space however. It is hard when my house is often not as tidy as I left it, when the kids are a mess and when there are dirty dishes in the sink when I left an empty sink.

It is also hard for the boys because they have nowhere to place their dad. They do not know where his home is or where he goes when he leaves. We have told them but they cannot imagine his new home. They need a physical place to put him. All this will be resolved soon enough when he and the girlfriend move into our city and have ample space to have the boys at their house. My ex and I need that physical separation, we spend far too much time together. I find it hard to put him out of my mind when he is sitting in my living room and it is getting on my nerves.

My ex asked me if the kids could play with the neighbor kid last week - a difficult situation because I loath the neighbor with every fibre of my being. However, the kids like each other so I agreed. What the ex does is his business but coming home to see him and the neighbor laughing with each other is like a kick in the balls, if I had balls. I find the time they spend together, even if on opposing decks, very disrespectful. I don't think they get it. They messed around, had sex and screwed their friends and significant others in the process. Their "friendship" will never be okay. It will always be a huge show of disrespect not only for me but for the husband who is still trying to fix his marriage.

Then there is a fight about my garage and using it as storage space. He thinks I am obligated to let them store their stuff in my garage before they move because they will be galavanting in the mountains (missing his son's birthday). I said yes, much to the amazement of everyone I know. No biggie but after a big fight a few days ago it has become a non issue. He has told me he would pay  to store his stuff if I won't agree to letting him come and go as he pleases. That is no skin off of my back as it was another favor to them. Once again, I was treated as though I was obligated to help them out, that I somehow owed it to him.

I am trying hard to be friendly but it really needs to be said, I owe them nothing. Not a friendly smile, not a home for visits, not a storage space, not preferred food - nothing. I am being dumped on and taken advantage of. Maybe I need to be the bitch that they already think I am, it beats being a doormat!