Free – 5/4/11

"There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept responsibility for changing them." -Denis Waitley

Wow, what an interesting night and I am glad that it happened!!! What started as a brief chat that I set up with my ex, to make sure we can continue in a positive, proactive relationship for the kids, ended up being a really good chat.

I am proud to say that I finally had the courage to tell him that I hated him. To tell him that I loath the person he has become but still love the glimpses of the old him. I was able to tell him that I have never been so angry as when he was not there for me as I learned of a family members illness. I let him know that I had been there through all his pain and I always walked beside him never wavering... but when I needed him, he was with the neighbor! I was able to tell him that it is not his job to worry about me anymore, I told him I was free, I am growing and I am excited for life. I told him it was ironic that the woman he wanted me to be is emerging now that he is gone.... I told him that I did not want to get back together with him and that I was excited to one day meet a man who would treat me like the princess I am! I got it all out in a way that I think was positive. I put in a few shots, which upset him, but I can live with that, I think I have a bit of a right but I know if we are to continue in a positive way for our kids, I must stop doing that.

It felt so good to let him know about the hurt, to let him know about the anger but to also let him know that I am okay... more than okay, without him! I am proud to say this experience has taught me I am strong, respected, smart, determined and a damn good catch! This is something I have not known in years! I have a lot of growing to do, I actually hope I never stop growing and learning about myself. I have tons of goals and I am excited to conquer each and every one of them. I am striving to be the best possible version of me. I will be the best mom possible, I can already see a change in the way I am with my boys! I love them more than anything and they deserve me at my best! I feel so alive tonight!  I know there will be down moments but these ups are amazing and I will cherish each one! I am free!!!!!!