When you come to the edge of all the light you have known and are about to step out into the darkness, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen... There will be something to stand on or you will be taught how to fly.
~Barbara J. Winter~
~Barbara J. Winter~
You know, I was pretty sure I was happy, I mean really happy, last week. And I was, in a sense. Looking from today, back at last week, I realize that my happiness while genuine was still clouded by hope and attachment. Today, my happiness is clear with direction and a different kind of hope!!
One has lots of time to reflect when she spends 2 hours at the gym (30 min treadmill, 30 minutes Elliptical and an hour long pump class.) I realized that I am really free this time. I no longer have a want or need to "fix" my ex and our relationship. I have realized that it is not my job to be here for him - not as a friend, not as a confidante, and not as a wife. I am his ex-wife, and the only thing we need from each other is a businesslike relationship, where we share information pertaining to the best interests of our children. Now is not a time to be friends, I am not sure if we can ever be friends, but hopefully we can be civil.
I realized that he let go and for me to embark on this exciting new adventure, I too had to let go. There was no way I could move forward when I was hoping things could be repaired and honestly now, I realize it cannot. It never will be - it is beyond repair. I realize now, the hours I spent worrying about him and crying over him were not reciprocated. I know my time and energy will go 100% to those most deserving, which is myself and my beautiful boys.
The above quote is one of my favorites, one that I have read and sent out many times. Things have been pretty dark but I really think I am learning to fly!
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